Hello and happy new year!  I fear this will be another brief posting as I continue to get myself more organized for the new year.  A bright spot:  quitting smoking has been easy!  Back to the gym this week, then, back to this blog for more developed entries!

Bear with me as I re-prioritize my life over the next few weeks.  A few changes I am making now will lead (I hope) to me generating a lot of "content" for the real and virtual world.  Small steps and some crtitical changes need to be made...I put the cart before the horse a lot in my life, so I thought a new approach necessary and I hope to be more successful. 

I am building a foundation on which to build a future!  WOW!  It has only taken me 38 years to figure out that I might want to start with a few mundane issues before moving on to some of the more visual/surface/FUN tasks that I have before me.  Good luck with your own goals in the coming year...now is the perfect time to start your own journey of transformation!

It has been humbling as each small step I take to realign my life with my core values and beliefs, leads to 10 other small surprising, enriching, unexpected steps that all offer their own influence and will ultimately play their own unique role in my journey of change!  I love this stuff!!

     Regardless of your beliefs, we are moving into one of the busiest times of the year!  Please forgive my lack of new posting over the last week or so...just trying to play catch-up in my life!
    
     On my mind this week:  rebuilding a spiritual connection in my life. 

     I have found a Unitarian Univeralist church and would like to try it out.  Anybody else out there familiar with it?  I am especially intrigued by the idea of having a community without having to subscribe to a particular doctrine.

     I would love to hear from people who attend one in their own area!  Thanks!

     I had no intention of repeating this subject so quickly after my last post.  I hesitate to even write about a "gay" subject again, as I am someone who has always preached that sexuality is such a small part of an individual that it is limiting to think of a person as a gay-fill-in-the-blank.  And, I don't necessarily want this to be a "gay" blog (not that's there anything wrong with that...)  But, while listening to my FAVORITE podcast on the way home from work last evening, a discussion between the hosts and their guest highlighted, for me, one of the critical obstacles facing the gay community in achieving social equality through the recognation of gay or lesbian unions.

     First, let me insert a promo for The Feast of Fools (www.feastoffools.net).  For those of you who visit the Zpages bookmarks section, you may have noticed the link I posted there last week.  While the show does have a gay slant, I find the satire, hilarity and intelligent discussion to be free of sexual preference.  Truth swings both ways, if anything!  The topics the two hosts, Fausto Fernos and his partner Marc Felion, throw out to their rotating cast of co-conspirators is by no means of interest only to the gay community.  With news items culled from a variety of sources and celebrity guests and artists promoting their work, the constantly changing programming is topical, thought-provoking and ultimately, universal.  It's laugh-out-loud funny, too!  Go download an episode now from I-tunes, or use the link above to access the show through their website.  It's FREE!

     Feast of Fools has had openly gay, American Idol Season 1 finalist, Jim Verraros, as a guest a couple of times recently.  On their Thanksgiving podcast, the conversation turned to gay partnerships.  The younger Verraros, who I am guessing is in his early to mid 20s, shared that he and his partner plan to have a committment ceremony.  Verraros also refers to his partner of 1 year as his husband, which seems to provoke a surprised response from Fernos, who asks, "you refer to him as your husband?"  Verraros replies, "Yes...I can't ever imagine the relationship ending..."  To me, Verraros seems to imply that the terms we use indicate the permanance of a relationship, which is true to some degree.  Verraros then questions Fernos and Felion about the nomenclature they use for each other, and their plans to hold a committment ceremony or wedding.  He seems a little shocked to learn that the older Fernos and Felion (sorry guys, I am guessing you are my age, or a little younger than me, based upon a lot of the cultural references you use...no offense intended!), who I think have been in their relationship since 1999, do not want to have a ceremony without it having a legal meaning for them.  While Fernos and Felion do refer to each other as husband and/or partner, I found it very interesting to see these two different attitudes juxtaposed, and wondered if the difference in attitude might be linked to their ages, or the duration of the individual relationships.  More importantly, the exchange reveals a critical problem for the gay community.

     I smiled when listening to Verraros speak of his partner Bill, and his enjoyment of their budding relationship.  Young love (or rather, a younger relationship) is usually clean, beautiful and sparkling.  A more mature love, say a relationship that has clocked years and years, is a constantly changing and inspiring mosaic, complex in design, and created from the bits and (sometimes broken) pieces of the people involved.  As Fernos and Felion expressed how they wanted their ceremony to matter legally (and how Fernos wanted to produce the event as a pay-for-view special), I smiled again as they acknowledged their commitment to each other was already real and not really in need of any other recognition.  Their union, or committment is real because it is real to them.  Regardless of your gender or perference this is true.  With the wisdom that comes with life experience, Fernos and Felion highlight the truth about any relationship:  it is only as binding as the individuals involved make it, and no piece of paper or public recognition can increase its significance or detract from its importance for the individuals invovled.  A younger love may need signs and symbols to show its real-ness to the world simply because its existence is relatively short.  This does not detract from the intensity or depth of feeling possible, I just think the young relationship asserts itself in different ways.

     In the end, I agreed with the attitude of the hosts of Feast of Fools.  My partner and I don't really need an outside recognition to make our relationship real.  We have clocked a lot of miles together, and surely know more about long-term relationships than many straight, married people.  For us, it is only the legal protections that hold any true interest. (Well, that and all of the gifts at the showers and receptions...what a sweet way to get your friends and relatives to buy you housewares!)  I have already posted my feelings about the promotion of gay "marriage"...I thnk the word ultimately leads to more discrimination against gays and is counter-productive to achieving fair treatment under the law.

     But, the bigger problem I see here is again in the semantics.  In discussing gay unions, these gay people had no common language or ideas for defining their relationships.  The long-committed Fernos and Felion were perhaps a little miffed at Verraros use of the term husband...they use the term and have been together for years...does it make sense for a couple of one year or less to use the same term?  Gays need to define their relationships, not for themselves as there is no need for that in most cases, but for the world.  For the relationship to be taken seriously, the people involved must also signify its seriousness.  I think we have forgotten that the process of marriage is such that the union is not easily broken, legally or emtionally.  Society has clearly defined the process of marriage and its terms to indicate the value of the event.  Co-opting the terms of a marriage we can't have sets us up for defeat.  The gay community needs to develop a culture of gay partnerships.  Leadership is needed to help spread the word on the process and nomenclature of coupling for gays and lesbians.  While no person can lessen the emotional importance of the love between 2 individuals, playing house by another person's rules is not fulfillling, and in the end, is just that, pretending.  I personally don't want to lessen the value of my long-term relationship by tagging it with words that offer an empty meaning.  To achieve equal social status, we must debate what we want from these unions, and what must be present to even be defined as a union.  Straight people have had thousands of years to have this discussion.  Gays and lesbians can surely afford a little time to have the discussions among ourselves if we expect the world to live with the results.

     Finally, since this is the week of Thanksgiving, if you are lucky enough to be in a long-term relationship, gay or straight, take time this week to appreciate what you have.  Give thanks for the special person in your life...no matter what name you give to your love!

     We have all listened to the squawking of the media as they have attempted to parse meaning from every individual vote cast last week.  (God help us if our votes were ever really public...ordinary citizens would be chased down the street by eager TV journalists hoping to ask us why we voted the way we did.)   It seems clear, however, that the electorate has taken President Bush and his staff to task for their handling of the Iraq war.  I also believe the voters punished the Republican party for their pompous moral-ism and repeated attempts to steal focus from the real issues facing our country.  Our country is faced with too many issues, particularly those from beyond our borders, for politicians to try to inflame internal conflicts for their own gain.  Its divisive.  Its stirring the stew.  It is a spit in the face of the country and its citizens to shout about freedom and then, at the same time, to promote an agenda that seeks to silence and marginalize anyone who doesn't share the same point of view.  I think the public is starting to realize that this is a key tactic of the current leadership of the Republican party.  Be free...  but only if you agree with us.  Think anything you want...as long as you don't challenge what we think.  The American public is starting to see this contradictory posturing for what it is....bullshit!  

     Another element of the recent election hits a bit closer to home for me.  Being gay, and in a relationship for the last 16 years, the referendums on gay marriage are particularly relevant in my life.  You might be surprised to learn however, that I am not angry, upset or disappointed (well, maybe a little) by the fact that gay marriage bans are springing up all over the country.  This is an example of different subsets of our population attempting to force their own moral-ism onto the public at large.  Unfortunately, I find the debate on gay marriage to be as divisive and destructive as the "freedom" debate (read:  Iraq war) has been for the US.

     Now, I do want to be treated equally under the law in regards to my rights as the most important person in my partner's life.  I should be able to make medical decisions and have the same rights as a straight spouse in regards to finances, taxation, inheritance, etc. as any heterosexual couple.  I just don't think it has to be called marriage...civil unions, domestic partnerships, or any other semantic coupling will suffice.  It's a single word, in this case, that is keeping people from focusing on the true nature of the debate.

     First, it has not been that long that government has even been in the business of collecting and recording vital statistics.  At one time, government was not really concerned much with your birth information, your marriage data or death date, so long as they could collect money from you and be able to come to get you for service, when they felt you were needed (some things never change!).  Many of the institutions now firmly entrenched within the government were actually co-opted from the well established machines of the churches (read:  any organized religion).  A church was well served by the rules they devised to create an environment of stability and peace for a community.  (These two people are together now, so keep your hands off!)  And, marriage and other ritualized blessings helped to protect and enlarge a church community.  The church, too, however, was primarily concerned about you in direct relation to the amount of money they could collect from you, and your willingness to serve if they needed you to do so (is there a pattern here?  Once again, it appears that there is never an original idea from government!).  The fact is, churches had a primary role in establishing the relevance of a marriage.  The church often facilitated the meeting of a couple, ordained the union, and recorded the facts.  For most, the idea of marriage will always be attached in some way to the idea of religion.  Knowing this, it seems easier to understand the backlash against the adoption of a term and a concept, developed to enhance the religious organization, by those whose very being ruins the economic plan I have briefly outlined above.  (Gay and lesbian couples often have trouble conceiving the old-fashioned way, so how can the future of the church be assured by them?)

     The very existence of gay people living out-loud is also a result of the rise of the individual in culture and society.  Again, the very idea that you matter just because you exist is a relatively new idea.  In the past you mattered almost exclusively because you were part of something bigger than yourself.  Your family affiliation, you national/tribal affiliation, your church affiliation, and to some degree, your job affiliation...these were how you were defined and valued.  Today we are free to define ourselves, and are recognized by the world, based upon our hopes, dreams, talents and abilities, in addition to the old methods.  At no other time in history has the individual had so much freedom to express his or herself.  Subsequently, there are requests being made of society and culture that have not been addressed in a large way until now.   (Unfortunately, the importance of the individual is responsible for a host of our problems...but, we'll talk about that another day.)

     I personally do not think society has the right to force any organized religion to marry two people who do not adhere to their dogma.  Churches should have the right to determine qualifications for membership.  Why do people feel the need to be accepted by groups who do not value them?  I don't care what the evangelical Christians think of ME; as long as they are not hurting people, they should be free to pursue their interests until they interfere with the rule of law, just as I should be able to do the same. I see no problem with a church determining who may stand before their priest or reverend or rabbi, etc. to receive the religious ceremony of marriage. The Catholic church has long banned marrying outsiders without a mandatory counseling session.  Not that long ago, churches would refuse to marry those of two different racial backgrounds.  The rule of law changed that, but I am sure there are many places in the world where the officiant would still refuse to perform a ceremony, in that case.  The heterosexual couple, in this example, is free to move on to find an official with a different religious bent to perform their ceremony, or to seek out a civil union.  Why can't the gay groups figure this out? (This, too, is a discussion for another day!)

     If we are to have the equality we deserve, we need to run from the word marriage.  Leave it to the straight people!  Words are powerful; by denying the word, we could take a lot of steam out of the efforts by the evangelicals and others hoping to repress us and others.  (We don't want your marriage...it doesn't seem to work that well for you!)  I do believe most citizens feel that gays and lesbians should have the same rights as any other spouse...they just get squeamish when you call it marriage.  If we can control the framework of the debate, taking the m-word off of the table, success will come.  In the future, something else will happen, too.  People are basically lazy; I foresee a day in the future, when people will tire of making a verbal distinction between our civil unions and your marriages, and everyone will be referred to as married for the sake of simplicity.  Only at that point will any legislation still on the books defining marriage as one man and one woman be relegated to history.    

     I got a great night's sleep last night!  I think I must have been tired from all the whooping, yelling and all-around cheerleading I had done on Tuesday night watching the results of the mid-term elections!  Democrats seemed to have kicked some ass!  While I am not suggesting that every ill of the world will now be cured (after all, we don't have a great track record of late, during the few occasions when in control of Congress) but, I am hoping that the party has FINALLY learned from its past mistakes.  This is a wonderful opportunity:  if handled correctly by the party leaders, the task of electing a Democratic president will become so much easier.  For today, though, I am going to celebrate!  

     I really enjoy elections.  While growing-up in southeast Ohio, politics was a family activity for us.  My mom's uncle was a central committee member for the Democrats in our county.  My mother (and sometimes, my sister) spent countless elections "politicking" just beyond the boundary of the polling place, making the last pitch for the Democratic party in our precinct, to everyone voting that day.  The same uncle used to take me to party meetings and gatherings,  presenting me, just before I tuned 13 years old with my membership card for the Democratic party of Vinton County, Ohio, as if he had just handed me the highest honor a person could earn.  Dad and Mom both had served on the village council, Dad having ran for election once, and my mother appointed to complete, I think, 2 vacated seats over the years.  My dad's sisters worked at the polling place.  Another uncle had been on the school board.  A few months before I turned 18, the village council had even talked to me about completing another councilman's term, but state law wouldn't allow it. 

     Through 4-H, I worked at the elections office each election with the other members of the county Junior Leaders club; my job was almost always to feed the results throughout the evening to the media and the public who had gathered to see who had won.  We also carried the precinct ballot boxes up 2 flights of stairs to the 2nd floor offices of the supervisor of elections!  (This was, of course, before electronic voting.  I prefer the old-fashioned paper votes...there was a comfort in, as well as a respect for, carrying the weight of those boxes...those votes were REAL.  There is something disconcerting about the digital version, no matter how convenient or reputedly accurate.)  Having become so busy in my day-to day life, I am not involved in elections now, save for voting, and the aforementioned cheering.  It has been years though since I really got to practice any cheering...more often than not, I was deflated by the losses.  I forget how exciting and inspiring the whole process can be.

     While I think a run for office could be in my future, its not feasible now, or even something that I necessarily want to do at this point in my life.  But, since our country was amBUSHed several years ago, I acknowledge the need that I have to be more involved.  I try to give money to the Democratic party whenever I can.  I joined Move-On and try to always sign their digital petitions and participate in their email campaigns.  I guess that is something, but I think its well past time for me to do more to affect change at the local level.  I am resolving to help keep up the pressure on our elected officials to do the right thing.  We have 2 years to continue to build momentum and influence the public to change the course of our country.  Use this election to re-commit yourself to some level of activism in your local politics.  Joining national or international groups is great, but as I learned in my childhood, the real work is done at the local level.  And as Zaadz demonstrates, the growing process starts at the ground with a seed.  We have an opportunity now to grow something that will be unstoppable in 2 years...be sure that you are doing what you can to incubate and encourage that growth!

     I have a relatively brief posting today.  I hope that most people who have joined Zaadz, or who are at least interested enough in the types of subjects promoted here, have already voted or have made plans to do so.  Unfortunately, it is hard to write or speak about the importance of voting without sounding saccharin or trite.  But, everything anyone has ever said to you about voting being your duty as a citizen, is true.  We can't afford for you to not do it.

     I don't even care what party you support.  (Well, I do, but I didn't want to cause any apathetic Republican voters to quit reading.)  But, if you are looking to me for guidance, may I reccommend a straight Democratic ticket, and if you have the option, and know something about the candidates, consider Independents or those from the alternative parties.   I am sure there are many of us who feel like we can't affect change, or that the situation is too extreme for our vote to have an impact.  However, it is never too late.  And, the severity of the situation only increases the need for all citizens to vote as they see fit.  We must turn the direction of the country.

     So, GO VOTE! 

     I do not want these posts to become only 'Dear Diary' entries.  I don't think I joined Zaadz because I wanted or needed a place to pour out the pettiness and negativity that I experience in my life.  Nearly all of us endure various indignities in our survival of corporate business jobs and individualized hard labor (even CEOs answer to the Board).  I joined to try to develop the other side of myself, the aspect seeking out the best of the human qualities, the best in me.   Zaadz, I think, should be a positive place, a place meant to nurture budding activists and artists and others who are realizing that modern life is coming up a little short, in spite of all the advance p.r.  I mean, I don't really think anyone wants to hear me whine and complain about my dissatisfaction with some of the choices I have made in my life, or in some of the karma that has come my way... I am sure most people could fill up a website with their regrets, their bad choices and the fateful missteps that happen to all of us, often through no fault of our own.   I have to believe that I have something to say, at least once in awhile, and more importantly, that what I am saying will ring true and interesting to others.  

     I re-read my last entries and felt like I what I had written sounded a bit defeatist, which is not my nature,   But, I have had a bad week, which has been part of a couple of trying months.  To tell the truth, I was down and feeling conflicted and confused.  While writing here and in other places does allow me a chance to work through some of my feelings, I really don't want these posts to be all about problems.  There should be solutions, some hope and some excitement for the future, as well.  There is enough news in the world to make one feel hopeless already.  I was feeling down and maybe a little helpless, until I remembered a celebrity encounter I had last year and the advice I got that day.  I thought perhaps I was missing the neon direction sign from the universe; but, then, I remembered the universe does not necessarily deliver in a linear, chronological way.  What I needed now, I had already been given...I had just forgotten the lesson.

     For those hoping for a salacious tabloid-style retelling of a meeting with someone rich and famous, you will be disappointed; I hope my choice of title was not misleading.  The details of who, what and where are secondary to my purpose for noting the event here.  Had my exchanges with this person occured in a completely public and professional setting, like an interview, I would feel OK about telling every detail.  But, because, in the end, the time I spent with this person was really a very pleasant, personal exchange between 2 people, I do not feel right about telling all.  The fact is, I wouldn't post identifying details about a personal conversation between me and you, so why would I do so when the other person just happens to be well-known?

     But a celebrity did have a lesson for me.  Through my job, I met someone who is a household name, and who is often described as having conquered multiple mediums.  Their star is on the rise, even now, and, I learned, they are holding on tightly to enjoy the journey for as long as it lasts.  Late, that day, after already having had some interesting and nice exchanges with this person, I had a few minutes completely alone with them.  Even last year, my need and desire to move to something new and different, the urge to get the word out about green living and alternatives to cut-throat capitalism, was boiling inside of me.  Here, I thought, is someone who has a successful model for what I would like to accomplish with my life...surely they had a wonderful plan to get where they are now.  Perhaps they would be willing to share the secret.  I imagined, due to their huge success, that their every step was carefuly calculated and measured, tested and considered, all in an effort to work toward the ultimate goal of getting into the public eye, to create a revenue stream to support their work, and promote their personal message.  So, I asked, naively revealing my assumption that such success can only come from huge efforts and grand schemes:  how did you come up with your plan?  How long has it taken you to reach this point and are you where you thought you would be now?  There was first a pause...had I offended my new friend? Then, a smile and a big laugh:  "Oh, I didn't plan any of this!  I just looked for opportunities and then pursued them.  I could never have planned this, I am not that organized...but now that its here, I told myself that I would pursue it until I can't do it anymore, or until the opportunities stop coming my way."  I was stunned.  This can't be right, I thought.  That seems simple and too easy.  The look on my face must have told my successful friend what I was thinking.  They continued:  "I just followed my heart and did what I wanted to do.  I started small and locally and then jumped at the opportunities to move to the next level.  Look for opportunities."

     And that was what I had forgotten.  When we feel trapped or beaten down, or wallow in the messy mud of self-pity, it is up to us to look for the way out of the pen.  The universe brings us all we need, when we need it...we just have to be willing to pursue the open door or window that we are given.  Action breeds action.  Success and fulfilment come to those willing to open their eyes and see the opportunities that are presented.  Our lives are just journeys:  trips to someplace else, somplace different than where we are today.  We can be sidetracked, our careful plans can be ruined, accidents can happen or evil can attack us on the road, but if we are to survive, we must look for opportunities to change the unpleasant or negative circumstances.  I did forget this lesson recently.  No matter who we are, or where we are in life, we can control at least some of our fate.  Truth and good and enlightenment are not gifts or random windfalls assigned by fate like lottery winnings, but are often rewards and the natural consequences of the efforts we put out there.  There is always comfort and peace in the knowledge that we can affect change on every level of our life... if only when we are willing to take a first step, to occasionally take a leap of faith, to look for the opportunities each day to change and better ourselves, and, in the end, to do the same for the world.